Tweets - Best of September 2011

• I'm a total Willona. #PeopleThatSelfIdentifyAsGoodTimesCharacters
• Windy outdoor breakfast. 5 yr old Lucy casually pulled a pinwheel from her pink backpack and suddenly, the morning was full of possibility.
• Life is too short to do anything solely for the irony. - every hipster's eventual, but too late epiphany
• ‘bout time I bought me some of them red & white striped Richard Simmons shorts. See how that goes before I get the perm.
• And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer. #HansGruber #DieHard http://t.co/lPmHekx
• I wouldn't say I have a lot of gray hair, but probably enough for you to be able to work out your daddy issues.
• I should have married the heiress to a red-plastic-cup-at-Mexican-restaurant magnate.
• Wait, shouldn't there be only one set of footprints right now because a supernatural entity is carrying me? #DragMarks
• Please don't make me have to be the one that starts the Facebook fan page for Scarlett Johansson's naked butt photo.
• Ready for a feel-good movie about music & love on the Netflix, kids? It's called Sid & Nancy. #UncleTJsPoorlyConceivedSlumberPartyFor7YrOlds
• Had that dream again where me and a cheerleader buy pot cornbread from a guy with a bunch of old-timey fire engines. ACL, amiright?
• If I could just find the right women's prison movie on Netflix, tonight (and life) would be perfect. I'm a bit of an aesthete, you see.
• Can't say that I'm always thrilled with life, but at least I'll never carry a cardboard "D" and fence silhouette into a stadium. #Ladies?
• Somewhere in the South, there's a guy who used to go by R.T., now bitterly responding to "Ole' Retweet".
• MacArthur Foundation Genius Awards. Once again, failing to recognize my vital work in the field of swell-guyness. http://t.co/ERrLPFHR
• Popcorn: Great as a food noun. Disgusting as a food adjective.
• Noticed for the 1st time that my street appears in several shots of Dazed and Confused. Property value jumped 15% & I have the munchies.
• I've found that the easiest way to get rid of solicitors is to answer the door wearing goggles and holding a toilet brush.
• Parents: Stop correcting your kids for staring at the obese in public. It's the appropriate reaction to a carnival of sorts.
• Last 100 degree day of the year predicted. Time to replace my white Speedos with blue jean short-shorts.