Wednesday, January 25, 2012

House Music (#11 of __)

Wilco is rarely out of the rotation at the Fortress of Shroatitude.

New this week:

And this:

Friday, January 20, 2012

"Uh huh huh, that was uh...other kids."

Disturbingly awesome. Take a look at some close-ups on Flavorwire if you really want to lose sleep.

I saw Mike Judge last Sunday at Cisco's. He has now supplanted Willem Dafoe as my top celebrity siting/affirmation at my favorite Mexican breakfast eatery. It lead to this exchange later in the day:

Me: "Guess who we saw at Cisco's this morning? Mike Judge."
Mrs. McG: "Who's Mike Judge?"
Me: "He's the creator of King of the Hill and Beavis and Butt-head."
G McG (8 year old girl): "There's a person named Butt-head!?!"
Mr. McG: "Yes. And you still don't get to say 'butt'."

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Evel Urges

Prior to Star Wars, from the ages of 4 to 6, I was obsessed with Evel Knievel. First lunchbox? Evel Knievel lunchbox. First watch? Evel Knievel watch (white patent leather strap with blue stars, Evel popping a wheelie on the watch face). First major toy that I specifically requested and received for my birthday? Evel Knievel Stunt Cycle & Gyro Rev-Booster (see below).

Love the claim: "Jumps your set of Encyclopedias Volumes A through W." Because while Evel is a daredevil, he's not foolhardy enough to try to jump X, Y and Z. Mostly, he jumped Hot Wheels and Matchbox Cars in my bedroom on Old Hickory Road. Though it was mid-70s suburbia, I was fortunate to have hardwood floors in my bedroom instead of carpet. Like most of my toys from that era, I'm pretty sure it was eventually broken by Kevin from across the street. Stupid Kevin.

I never saw myself as a daredevil, even when I was a kid, but the thought that I too might grow up to wear red, white and blue jumpsuits seemed reasonable.

This article, originally from 1998, republished recently on HiLoBrow, reminded me of the bizarre, unique place held by Evel Knievel in my childhood and in American culture. I wish the biopic movie staring Matthew McConaughey had been made.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

House Music (#10 of __)

Frank OceanNostalgia, Ultra

His cover of Coldplay's "Strawberry Swing" is particularly sublime.


Florence + the Machine - Lungs and Ceremonials

Florence Welch is only 25. I've seen her compared to Stevie Nicks and Bjork. A more apt comparison, in my mind, is U2. Ceremonials, especially, is filled with big, anthemic songs.

Florence + the Machine is to U2, as St. Vincent is to Radiohead. Discuss.

Monday, January 02, 2012

My Year in Twitter - 2011

Good riddance 2011. You felt longer than a dog year at times. Here are 50 little jokes that I wrote to briefly distract my mind from the universe’s inherent lack of meaning. I was at my funniest during the first half of the year, so read my January through May posts to see my best work.
  1. A black cat followed me for several blocks this morning. Bleak symbolism, 30 hours into the year. #PermissionToTreat2011AsHostile? #Granted
  2. #BachelorGlory: I don't think of my house as a bachelor pad, but I know it contains a lot more peanut debris than the homes of most women.
  3. #BachelorGlory: Age 40 & living in Texas, I should be wearing a fishnet t-shirt and slapping Debra Winger around a trailer behind Gilley's.
  4. Since everyone else posted photos of their dogs in the snow, here's Eli. #ATXSnow
  5. If you don't tell your children about Paul Lynde, who will?
  6. My constantly running inner monologue would be easier to ignore if not for its genteel Mississippi drawl.
  7. A lot of you don't know that I also have an MFA in Physical Comedy. Like most tall men, I majored in Cleeseian Walk and Dance.
  8. “NO, I WILL NOT LOWER MY VOICE.” - Always fun to overhear in public when directed at not-me.
  9. Always in the back of my mind: "Yeah, but this manic phase won't last forever." Immediately followed by: "YES IT WILL!" #YayMania #Brains
  10. I will never miss another opportunity to refer to money as "cabbage". If only I'd started earlier...#TimeValueOfCabbage

Best of Twitter - December 2011

  • Finally, some decent reassess-your-life-but-continue-to-make-the-same-choices weather. Plus, soup.
  • Sure, Jeans, I'll put you on as if I'm going to leave the house today.
  • I need more of everything, sooner.
  • Prepubescent perv, combining two things he knows have mysterious power over him: "Oooh, Christmas tree girls."
  • A child appeared frightened by hipster's "tough" facial hair. Wanted to reassure her, "He's probably just some pussy named Trevor."
  • Ears should not require this much shaving.
  • “That's when I was stepping on kittens!” - "Hang in There" Kitten / Footprints in the Sand, poster mashup
  • For Christmas, I'm giving each my faux-nieces a Trophy Wife Barbie. Parents can get them Middle Aged Ken with adjustable hairline.
  • “Hey, we're all friends here. No one else has to know if you eat the whole bag of us,” whispered the potato chips in my pantry.
  • Making my bed every morning is like Cort├ęs burning his ships behind him.
  • The opposite of "whimsy" is "Santa hat".
  • There were 6 different Peaches & 1 Herb? Save some for the rest of us, guy. Marlene Mack is the George Lazenby of Peacheses. Discuss.
  • Just found out that I Can't Believe It's Not Myrrh has as much cholesterol as regular myrrh. Holidays ruined.
  • If you build a life-sized Advent calendar, don't forget to drill air holes. In related news, looks like I won't be getting a wife this year.
  • You're right. A Very Bukowski Christmas has been a bit of a bust, and haven't even gotten to the vomiting yet.
  • Sometimes, it's important for me to clear my mind, then think about nothing but Olivia Newton-John for ten seconds. #Magic
  • Speaking of faux-nieces and faux-nephews, I wish one of my faux-nieces was named Fo'Neese. "Hey, hey Fo'Neese!"
  • Buy more lottery tickets. #SadResolutions
  • Check the batteries in the smoke detectors. Or don't. #SadResolutions


Of the songs in my iTunes Top 25 Most Played playlist, this is the one that I've most consistently continued to play throughout 2011. Hypnotic.

If you think this is over
Then you're wrong