Tuesday, March 27, 2012

House Music (#16 of __) - Hazy Memory Edition

I was a Little-House-on-the-Praire-aphile as a kid, always tuned-in for the latest episodes (Monday nights?) and consistently exposed to reruns during the years before cable TV. I was thinking about the show today, as I often do, and I found myself trying to recall what I thought of as the lake-house-Scooby-Doo-monster-mystery episode.

Found it. This detailed (and accurate) plot summary from an IMdB user is bananas:
Plot Summary for "Little House on the Prairie" The Lake Kezia Monster (1979)
Kezia1 doesn't believe in paying property taxes2, and it isn't long before Mrs. Oleson decides to foreclose on the property and purchase it for herself as the family's vacation home3. Nels objects to the purchase, knowing she had acquired it unfairly and that Kezia would have no place to go, but Mrs. Oleson responds by moving herself and Nellie and Willie to the lakeside property. Mrs. Oleson, in a show of pity, hires Kezia to be their servant and forces her to live in the shack. Laura, Albert and Andy watch from afar and are disgusted at how cruelly the three Olesons are treating their friend Kezia, and also aware that Mrs. Oleson used underhanded means to buy the property. One night, after hearing Caroline read a story about monsters, Albert comes up with an idea to concoct a monster to drive the Olesons off the property4. Working with Kezia, the children set their plans in motion, but Mrs. Oleson, Nellie and Willie are too smart for any tricks and harden their resolve to stay on "their" property. Eventually, Laura, Andy and Albert bring out the heavy artillery: creating a Loch Ness monster out of paper maché5. When they hatch their plans, Mrs. Oleson and her children are convinced that the (non-existant) monster poses a real threat to their safety and they beat it. Nels celebrates the success of Laura's plan with Kezia and the others, and it isn't long before Kezia's ownership in her property is restored ... with the promise she will pay her property taxes6, no matter what she thinks.
  1. You remember the beloved character Kezia, right? No? Yeah, me neither. IMdB credits the character in two other episodes, but they don't rank as memorable to this super-fan.
  2. Property taxes as a plot point on Little House!
  3. A vacation home for someone who already lives in rural 1870's Minnesota!!!
  4. This time, a scheme actually does work because of those meddling teens, but sans their dog.
  5. Sure. If you're going to go broad, go really broad. The term "Loch Ness monster" wasn't coined until 1933, but hey, they really nailed the period detail with the property tax law stuff.
  6. A lesson for the ages. 
I like to imagine a final scene in which Michael Landon stops acting and directly addresses the camera while manly-Pa-Ingalls-tears cascade down his cheeks: "Folks, don't forget to pay your property taxes. God bless." And then a subtitle that just says: Nelda Wells Spears
The final 6 ridiculous minutes of the episode. Just fast forward to the 5:10 mark for hilarious fun-had-by-all.

Monday, March 26, 2012

House Music (#15 of __)

Trailer for the upcoming Tenacious D comeback album. Just saw them at SxSW. Liked a bunch of the new songs and Jack Black still has at least a dozen facial expressions that would have caused milk to shoot out my nose in junior high.

Friday, March 09, 2012

House Music (#14 of __)

Yes, more Odenkirk on television. I like this idea and execution. A lot.

Saturday, March 03, 2012

Best of Twitter - February 2012

  • Hey, couple on tandem cycle in matching outfits, barking encouragement/commands to each other. Thanks for making dying alone seem appealing.
  • Obese guy in motorized scooter, yelling at adult daughter: "Do we need mayonnaise? Do we need mayonnaise?" Me: "Yes. Absolutely yes."
  • Super Bowl rings are classy. They're like sweet-ass rims for your fingers. #Wealth #TimeValueOfRims
  • Well if you ask me, there's nothing lazy about it. They should call it the Ingenious Susan.
  • Belinda Carlisle's fame perfectly overlapped my puberty.
  • EMERGENCY: My break dancing troupe needs a fourth who won't ask a bunch of awkward questions. Must supply own hunk of cardboard.
  • I bet there's more averted eye contact and self-loathing at a Phantom Menace 3D screening than in the back room of an adult book store.
  • This day wouldn't seem so romantic if we were plagued by actual fat, flying babies with bows and arrows.
  • “Y'all got Mexican Twitter?” - imagined redneck, sort of trying to be more savvy and diverse
  • I would get married and have children, but Volvo doesn't make a T-top station wagon.
  • Caught my reflection in the mirror after getting out of the shower. Gave MYSELF some beads. Deserved 'em.
  • Don't forget, Catholics. Today's the day you're supposed to put a bunch of "I Voted" stickers on your forehead, or something.
  • I have Han Solo-dar. I can totally tell when someone is Han Solo.
  • I'm the James Bond of huevos rancheros, and everybody here knows it. #HuevosRancherosHubris #ThisIsBiggerThanMe
  • All Tejano videos: Chunky guy with mustache woos much hotter chica while standing near fence, punctuated by grating accordion.
  • Sure I'm disappointed in myself. How did I make it to 40, still un-murdered by the president of my fan club? #TooSoon
  • At what point in the election cycle are we supposed to submit our threats to move to Canada? I always forget and do it too late.

Thursday, March 01, 2012

Lassitude Tableau (#4 of __)

Does anyone know if Mott's for Tots goes with brown liquors? I may have to learn the hard way.