Wednesday, June 13, 2012

House Music (#19 of __)

Alabama Shakes - Boys & Girls
I've been urged for months to try Alabama Shakes. Classic-sounding southern blues that has exceeded my expectations. This hits me in the same spot as Raphael Saadiq's most recent album. I'm more with  impressed with each listen.


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El-P - Cancer 4 Cure
I discover alt-hip-hop that I like about once a year. This year, it's El-P. Dense flow, unsettling and cinematic beats, subject matter worthy of Philip K. Dick.


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Brendan Benson - What Kind of World
I really like Jack White's new solo album. I like his Raconteurs co-front man's album even more. Alt-power-pop that reminds me of Todd Rundgren. White's and Benson's releases and tours should nicely overlap, so maybe we can get another Raconteurs album next year.

Monday, June 04, 2012

Best of Twitter - May 2012

  • 350 lb. lady at coffee shop is wearing an Atlas Shrugged t-shirt. Where to begin? The mere existence of an XXXXL Ayn Rand tee? #KillYourself
  • "Please make me rich, God." - overwhelming subtext of the National Day of Prayer #FailedChurchAttendanceCampaigns
  • Punish your parents by hacking their social media. You know their passwords. It's some combination of grandchild names and birth dates.
  • "It's George Washington, not Gorge Washington." - comeback to fatties that say "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." #Zing
  • Always End on a Crazy Accusation - one of the chapters in my new presentation manual, "Fester in the Audience's Mind"
  • Interview Tip #58: Never state that your real career aspiration is to be a Willy Wonka-esque figure in the potato chip industry.
  • Maybe it's my mild OCD, but the symmetry of dying of natural causes on one's own birthday has tremendous appeal. #StickTheLanding
  • There's always a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. #TatooineOptimist
  • I often wish that an Alamo Drafthouse level of enforced civility was imposed on society at large. #SlipperySlope #SixDegreesOfMussolini
  • Taking my contact lens out for the evening is a daily, tacit admission of defeat.
  • I'm the Lou Gehrig of NOT vomiting in public. #LuckiestManOnTheFaceOfTheEarth
  • An elaborate dream reuniting me with all my dead dogs in a mansion was mostly spent shoveling snow.
  • "I remember a time before wacky, wedding photo booths. A time of rambling speeches captured on VHS." #WhenDrunkUnclesRuledTheEarth
  • Fishmonger is the all time best job title. Not enough things getting -monged these days.
  • Keep Austin Catchphrase-less
  • In a consequence free universe, I would subsist entirely on Mexican vanilla milkshakes.

  • “Cinco de Mayo, Derby, Free Comic Book Day...everyone have a thing today?” “Can my thing be Supermoon tonight?” - guy who loves #Supermoon
  • Back by popular indifference, non-#Supermoon Cincos de Mayo, from a more innocent time. -
  • Cinco de Mayo is a marketing scam perpetrated by Big Cinco. #Supermoon, on the other hand...well that’s a REAL thing. - Supermoonacy Theory
  • “Doesn’t anyone at this Derby party care there’s a Supermoon tonight?" - guy who can no longer contain his #Supermoon enthusiasm
  • Your Derby outfit isn’t as cute as my #Supermoon outfit. Look at haven't incorporated ANY aluminum foil.
  • Yeah, that’s right. I’m live-tweeting #Supermoon this year. You should probably make some phone calls, let people know.
  • “Y’all got Supermoon in Europe?” - guy who thinks that American airspace might have something to do with #Supermoon
  • Have you heard the Good News? #Supermoon is Risen.
  • Disappointed by Obama's continued refusal to take a moral stand on #Supermoon. It's 30% brighter than a normal full moon! #WakeUp

Mother’s Day
  • Mother’s Day is a marketing scam perpetrated by Big Mother.
  • It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve’s mom.
  • As a Mother’s Day gift, I’ve agreed to answer 3 iPhone/computer questions from my mom, without anger, judgement, or comment. #Hero
  • Mom once convinced me I should “change my look” and gave me a home perm. Turned out great, since junior high kids are so complementary.
  • Mom, in front of my college girlfriend, years after the perm debacle: “Yeah, you went through a real ugly stage there for awhile.”
  • Mom, looking at school photo proofs: “Well, you look like a goof with your eyes half-closed. Not buying these.” (every year, 1978-1984)
  • Shout-out to the non-mother ladies. You’re failures in the eyes of God and also, what are you doing later?