Damaged Goods

Hey ladies, this is sure to moisten your dainties. Russell Yates is officially back on the market. Mr. Yates has finalized his divorce from former wife Andrea, who drowned their five children in a bathtub in June of 2001. You may remember that incident’s brief stint as the “worst thing to ever happen”, holding the title for a scant three months after taking it over from the Columbine massacre.

Russell said of his wife: "We still care about each other ... (but) I couldn't live that way." Yes, when one partner in a marriage goes crazy and murders all of the children, it can make for some awkward conversation. Also, living in a state hospital/prison is awfully tough on the non-murderer in the relationship.

Yates currently works for NASA, developing sensors to detect damage on the space shuttle. Great, a guy whose former wife kills kids in bunches of five works for an agency the kills astronauts in groups of seven. Attention to detail? Yep, he’s your man.

Yates is positive and forward thinking:

"I have the freedom now. I'd like to do that (remarry) someday and possibly have a family again. I've never put a lot of blame on myself.”

Good for you Rusty. You’ll meet that special someone.

Good Christian Man Seeks Fertile, Non-Drowner for Dinner, Fun, Reproduction

I enjoy travel, the bible, and occasionally living in buses. I’ll bear the burden of the workplace, but my work is stressful, so you must do all the shampoo shopping. No fatties.