Friday, August 31, 2007

I Have a Dream #8: No Longer Welcome Here Edition

In the dream, I am being visited by my good friends, the Shields family. We are at a restaurant, perhaps Trudy’s, and three and a half year old Leo Shields dumps a large plastic tumbler of ice water on my head and laughs at me. Neither parent is inclined to discipline Leo, so I begin to patiently, rationally lecture him. He continues to laugh and his parents continue to look helplessly at me.

The scene shifts and we are now in a version of my back patio. One year old Lorenzo Shields, who can walk in the dream, drops his pants and poops in a terra cotta flower pot next to my back door. Older brother Leo again points and laughs. Parent Shields continue to do nothing.

At this point, I look up at the second story of the house (this version of my house had a second floor) and notice that one of the windows has a small round hole in it. Several ferrets are going in and out of the hole in the window. I grab a garden hose, hoping that spraying them with water will scare them away. Instead, the water forces them all inside.

As anyone knows, ferret infestation greatly lowers property values. I will not be hosting the Shields family ever again.

Culprit #1

Culprit #2

Culprit #3


Smooch said...

Those first two culprits do look a little weasly.

Jen said...

Lorenzo can indeed walk now, but cannot pull down his own diaper, so is unlikely to poop in any flowerpots.

Leo would definitely laugh.

But next time we come to Austin, unless I see Florence Henderson in the front yard with curtains and an open portal to the subterranean pizza delivery venue...we're staying.

Smooch said...

REALLY. Two months? You can't find anything to talk about in two months?