Spoetry - Your Questions, Answered

Each line was the subject line (with original spelling) of a spam email. Arrangement, (some) punctuation and poem title by TJ Shroat.

Your Questions, Answered
What does a frog want with you?
First kiss, I enjoyed.
Whats better?
Best manure for pork stalk.
Where's your building?
His Aunt Jobiska's Park.
Any plans tonight?
Group Therapy tonight.
Can I interview you?
Your proposal comes too late.
Put these facts together.
Does it work?
I feel so empty, help.

Spoetry - Night Terrors

Each line was the subject line (with original spelling) of a spam email. Arrangement, (some) punctuation and poem title by TJ Shroat.

Night Terrors
Just the other day,
Bessie came into my room before dawn to wake me,
and I was filled with burning anger.
She went and opened the door,
pushed me back into the darkness and slammed the door.
If door squeaks,
I shall spare your life.
But Chris died,
and said he hated it.
I was at a loss.

Non Sequiturs - October 2009

Antonyms

1. The opposite of "ACL Fest" is "Freaknik".
2. The opposite of "39" is "21".
3. The opposite of "What's that Lassie? Timmy fell down a well?" is "balloon hoax".
4. The opposite of "impunity" is "my parents on Facebook".
5. The opposite of "moral fiber" is "Montezuma's complete lack of restraint".

This Was Said©

Perfectly sensible sentences uttered by me, now stripped of all context.

1. Ibuprofen is the cilantro of analgesics.
2. You guys should hire me as Vice President of Creep Vibe.
3. Charging $1.25 for something is so much classier than charging $1.00 or $.99.
4. Ham is the loss leader of existence.
5. And yet, I'm no happier than Australopithecus.

Classic Grifts©
A public service to raise awareness of notable cons, flimflams, swindles, and cheats.

1. A Half King of Prussia with Pants Akimbo
2. Frequent Flier and the Carry-on Turnip
3. El Chupacabra, Mediumfoot and the Cryptozoologist