Saturday, December 01, 2012

Best of Twitter - November 2012

  • Ugh. Use your inside-face.
  • Food poisoning is a great diet aid because it forces you to avoid entire categories of food. Example: I will never eat heated food again.
  • This morning’s early wake-up shrieking was brought to you by Birds. Birds, tiny remorseless dinosaurs that would eat you if they could.
  • Whenever someone rhetorically asks, "Who's the crazy one now?", the answer is always, "You. You're still the crazy one."
  • After years of wondering, finally broke down and looked up "sarsaparilla". It's just goddamn root beer? Stupid, gross cowboys.
  • #ArtisanTexasNestingSecessions
  • Starve a fever, eat a bunch of cheese popcorn for a cold, right?
  • I often have the rueful thought: “This is what comes from leaving the house."
  • Well, the cleaners lost all my buckles, so no turkey for me. Sometimes, I hate being Orthodox Pilgrimish.
  • Our Black Friday jokes caused the working poor to adopt sensible wealth retention strategies, so now let’s shame away their obesity.
  • My ambition will never catch up with my ego.
  • So if I make it to the end of the year without ever hearing/seeing/wearing Gangnam Style, I win, right? #Hero #Champion
  • “This lottery ticket purchase is NOT a tacit endorsement of trickle-down economics,” he announced to the other dead-eyed 7-Eleven patrons.
  • Russian nesting tongues. #LovecraftianGifts

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