Tweets - December 2010

• #BachelorGlory: 2010 - The Tacoiest Year of My Life. #NoFaintPraise #They'reNotJustForBreakfastAnymore
• #BachelorGlory: I'm the Pete Rose of Mexican breakfast. #AllTimeGreatsNotInTheirHallsOfFame #INeverBetAgainstMyBreakfasting
• #BachelorGlory: "You are still the Mayor of Cisco's." My weekly affirmation, courtesy of foursquare.
• #BachelorGlory: Guy at next table is wearing a toupee. In 2010. My Cisco's experience just went to eleven.
• If I'm not mistaken, that model of toupee was a Will Wynn GXi. Very nice. #SupportLocalToupees
• #NewCareerIdea: I send you hilarious texts/IMs while you work. Turnkey humor solution. I start at $3000/week. #TheseFartJokesAreGoingToWaste
• #BachelorGlory: Whenever I hear bad news, I like to yell "Too soon!", as if I'm sanctimoniously rejecting an inappropriate comedian.
• #NewCareerIdea: I leave comments on your Facebook posts that will convey to your mother that you have witty, urbane friends. $3000/week
• #NewCareerIdea: I leave quotes from the rap music on your Facebook to scare/impress your mother that you have witty, urban friends. $3k/week
• Sometimes, when I'm at the end of a business call, I get the urge to whisper "I love you", right before I hang up. #MomentsOfAwkwardness
• #BachelorGlory: Just overheard: ...well you can pretty much guarantee a used jet ski will come with a trailer. #HowDidIEndUpInAJetSkiBar
• #BachelorGlory: Tak
• ing Dramamine before a flight sure does make me feel like James Bond. So does a layover in Alabama. #HopeIGetAMiddleSeat
• There's no easy way to say this, TV. You've gotten fatter and dumber since we last spent time together at my parents'. #UseYourInsideVoice
• #BachelorGlory: Forgot to pack my veganism for my trip home. Also forgot my gastrointestinal self-respect. http://yfrog.com/h45iixlj
• Pity the self-aware douche-bag. Bright enough to know he is one, but not why. Makes him angry and douchier. #DoucierAutoCorrectsToSpicules