Friday, July 01, 2011

Tweets - Best of June 2011

  • I want women to look at me and think, "Damn, he looks like he could have stepped out of a late-70s perfume commercial." #handsome
  • Ennui is the cumin of life.
  • Shared moment of solidarity with 80ish Mexican man when we both flinched at horrible, whinnying laugh of nearby awful woman. #WeAreTheWorld
  • I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers but I would kick her out of bed for having a bunch of throwing stars. #Standards
  • The world of the idiot is filled with mystery and wonder.
  • If a meteor hits this Rush show, Austin will be deprived of most of its 40ish mild-Aspergery guys. You'll miss 25% of us. I mean them.
  • By his mid-30s, the Aspergery Rush fan has learned to keep his air-drumming at waist level.
  • Sometimes, I worry my career in parkour is over before it really began.
  • Austin summer is a long, intense Bikram yoga class. I'm not very good at it but I'm pretty sure the instructor has a thing for me.
  • I'm not so much a thought-leader as I am a hunch-leader. But definitely put all your money in molybdenum and veal cutlets.
  • A good thing about not being a father is knowing I'll never send a tweet about golf or baseball. #CosbySweaters
  • On the other hand, I guess it would be nice to have someone to annually watch the Great Santini with me.
  • Bulk Trash Day: A berg of our crazy breaks off & floats out to the curb. "He's throwin' out 13 mop handles? WTF goes on in there?"
  • Just overheard the apocryphal "His dad invented the ketchup packet" explanation of wealth. #PacketMagnates
  • Dear General Public: Most of you have disgusting feet. I suggest socks, double footectomies, or just staying at home. #HadMineBronzed
  • Now's the time of night when I eat a whole bunch of roasted peanuts. #MagicHour
  • Why yes, earnest 20-something. I would love to see your laminated sheet & be made to feel guilty as cool air escapes my open front door.

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