The capital-T Truth is about life before death. It is about making it to 30, or maybe 50, without wanting to shoot yourself in the head. It is about simple awareness -- awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, that we have to keep reminding ourselves, over and over: "This is water, this is water." It is unimaginably hard to do this, to stay conscious and alive, day in and day out.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
This Is Water
David Foster Wallace would have been 50 today.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
REDUX: That’s Not Amore. This Is Amore.
My former editor likes to passive aggressively remind me of my legacy of bitterness. Here's my paean to St. Valentine's Day from five years ago that she just sent me:
That’s Not Amore. This Is Amore.
It still holds up, especially the bearded, bleary-eyed, bed-headed photo grafted onto Cupid. Laaaadies?
Monday, February 13, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
House Music (#12 of __)
2012-01-Jan Playlist
Culled from Best of 2011 lists, plus songs overheard in public that I looked up on SoundHound.
Friday, February 03, 2012
Best of Twitter - January 2012
- Vague promise to try harder at stuff. #SadResolutions
- Marcus Bachmann to endorse fabulousness.//@EileenDSmith: The coveted endorsement of a useless spouse! RE: Todd Palin will endorse Gingrich.
- Okay, I'm showered, dressed and feel good about my appearance. Now the world officially owes me something. #DailyPreludeToDisappointment
- Can't wait for the episode of Downton Abbey that finally introduces the sassy neighbor, Lady Willona Woods, Duchess of Cabrini Green.
- Slept in a hyperbaric chamber like Michael Jackson. Wasn't working, so I switched to a hyperbolic chamber. Now I'm going to live FOREVER!
- Health Tip: When eating, ask yourself, "Does this tastes like infarction?" If yes, maybe think about a smaller portion.
- Just threw out a tub of whipped butter that expired in April of 2009. It's been a tumultuous three years for both of us.
- I'm the sit-com buddy/weird-neighbor in my own life. #SpinOff
- I'm not saying that I'm a world-class expert on the over-medium fried egg, but overheard my waitress tell the cook, "He's here." #Polvos
- Citywide Yard Sale again? Another chance to be reminded that some of the poor have managed to trade their ankles for some sweet-ass rims.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
"Uh huh huh, that was uh...other kids."
Disturbingly awesome. Take a look at some close-ups on Flavorwire if you really want to lose sleep.
I saw Mike Judge last Sunday at Cisco's. He has now supplanted Willem Dafoe as my top celebrity siting/affirmation at my favorite Mexican breakfast eatery. It lead to this exchange later in the day:
Me: "Guess who we saw at Cisco's this morning? Mike Judge."
Mrs. McG: "Who's Mike Judge?"
Me: "He's the creator of King of the Hill and Beavis and Butt-head."
G McG (8 year old girl): "There's a person named Butt-head!?!"
Mr. McG: "Yes. And you still don't get to say 'butt'."
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Evel Urges
Prior to Star Wars, from the ages of 4 to 6, I was obsessed with Evel Knievel. First lunchbox? Evel Knievel lunchbox. First watch? Evel Knievel watch (white patent leather strap with blue stars, Evel popping a wheelie on the watch face). First major toy that I specifically requested and received for my birthday? Evel Knievel Stunt Cycle & Gyro Rev-Booster (see below).
Love the claim: "Jumps your set of Encyclopedias Volumes A through W." Because while Evel is a daredevil, he's not foolhardy enough to try to jump X, Y and Z. Mostly, he jumped Hot Wheels and Matchbox Cars in my bedroom on Old Hickory Road. Though it was mid-70s suburbia, I was fortunate to have hardwood floors in my bedroom instead of carpet. Like most of my toys from that era, I'm pretty sure it was eventually broken by Kevin from across the street. Stupid Kevin.
I never saw myself as a daredevil, even when I was a kid, but the thought that I too might grow up to wear red, white and blue jumpsuits seemed reasonable.
This article, originally from 1998, republished recently on HiLoBrow, reminded me of the bizarre, unique place held by Evel Knievel in my childhood and in American culture. I wish the biopic movie staring Matthew McConaughey had been made.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
House Music (#10 of __)
Frank Ocean - Nostalgia, Ultra
R&B/Alt-Hip-Hop
His cover of Coldplay's "Strawberry Swing" is particularly sublime.
---
Florence + the Machine - Lungs and Ceremonials
Florence Welch is only 25. I've seen her compared to Stevie Nicks and Bjork. A more apt comparison, in my mind, is U2. Ceremonials, especially, is filled with big, anthemic songs.
Florence + the Machine is to U2, as St. Vincent is to Radiohead. Discuss.
Monday, January 02, 2012
My Year in Twitter - 2011
Good riddance 2011. You felt longer than a dog year at times. Here are 50 little jokes that I wrote to briefly distract my mind from the universe’s inherent lack of meaning. I was at my funniest during the first half of the year, so read my January through May posts to see my best work.
- A black cat followed me for several blocks this morning. Bleak symbolism, 30 hours into the year. #PermissionToTreat2011AsHostile? #Granted
- #BachelorGlory: I don't think of my house as a bachelor pad, but I know it contains a lot more peanut debris than the homes of most women.
- #BachelorGlory: Age 40 & living in Texas, I should be wearing a fishnet t-shirt and slapping Debra Winger around a trailer behind Gilley's.
- Since everyone else posted photos of their dogs in the snow, here's Eli. #ATXSnow http://yfrog.com/h3dm4gj
- If you don't tell your children about Paul Lynde, who will?
- My constantly running inner monologue would be easier to ignore if not for its genteel Mississippi drawl.
- A lot of you don't know that I also have an MFA in Physical Comedy. Like most tall men, I majored in Cleeseian Walk and Dance.
- “NO, I WILL NOT LOWER MY VOICE.” - Always fun to overhear in public when directed at not-me.
- Always in the back of my mind: "Yeah, but this manic phase won't last forever." Immediately followed by: "YES IT WILL!" #YayMania #Brains
- I will never miss another opportunity to refer to money as "cabbage". If only I'd started earlier...#TimeValueOfCabbage
Best of Twitter - December 2011
- Finally, some decent reassess-your-life-but-continue-to-make-the-same-choices weather. Plus, soup.
- Sure, Jeans, I'll put you on as if I'm going to leave the house today.
- I need more of everything, sooner.
- Prepubescent perv, combining two things he knows have mysterious power over him: "Oooh, Christmas tree girls."
- A child appeared frightened by hipster's "tough" facial hair. Wanted to reassure her, "He's probably just some pussy named Trevor."
- Ears should not require this much shaving.
- “That's when I was stepping on kittens!” - "Hang in There" Kitten / Footprints in the Sand, poster mashup
- For Christmas, I'm giving each my faux-nieces a Trophy Wife Barbie. Parents can get them Middle Aged Ken with adjustable hairline.
- “Hey, we're all friends here. No one else has to know if you eat the whole bag of us,” whispered the potato chips in my pantry.
- Making my bed every morning is like Cortés burning his ships behind him.
- The opposite of "whimsy" is "Santa hat".
- There were 6 different Peaches & 1 Herb? Save some for the rest of us, guy. Marlene Mack is the George Lazenby of Peacheses. Discuss.
- Just found out that I Can't Believe It's Not Myrrh has as much cholesterol as regular myrrh. Holidays ruined.
- If you build a life-sized Advent calendar, don't forget to drill air holes. In related news, looks like I won't be getting a wife this year.
- You're right. A Very Bukowski Christmas has been a bit of a bust, and haven't even gotten to the vomiting yet.
- Sometimes, it's important for me to clear my mind, then think about nothing but Olivia Newton-John for ten seconds. #Magic
- Speaking of faux-nieces and faux-nephews, I wish one of my faux-nieces was named Fo'Neese. "Hey, hey Fo'Neese!"
- Buy more lottery tickets. #SadResolutions
- Check the batteries in the smoke detectors. Or don't. #SadResolutions
Separator
Of the songs in my iTunes Top 25 Most Played playlist, this is the one that I've most consistently continued to play throughout 2011. Hypnotic.
If you think this is over
Then you're wrong
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Grief Bacon
From a list of top words of 2011, "Kummerspeck" is a German term that literally translates to "grief bacon". It's English usage refers to excess weight gained from emotional overeating.
I'm coining "Langeweilespeck", or "boredom bacon", to refer to overeating as a result of nothing better to do with your evenings. P90x has prevented the weight gain, so far anyway.
Friggin' Germans.
I'm coining "Langeweilespeck", or "boredom bacon", to refer to overeating as a result of nothing better to do with your evenings. P90x has prevented the weight gain, so far anyway.
Friggin' Germans.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
"Look what I found in my Advent calendar!"
I get this meal maybe twice a year. More would hard on my body. OT Special (a double bacon cheeseburger) with a fried egg, thick potato chips, and a Dr. Pepper. That's a top 5 all time meal. It's the American boyfriend of my Cisco's meal.
Speaking of tops, Casey Kasem's American Top 40: The '70s was on the radio at Dirty's, and Steely Dan's "Rikki Don't Lose That Number" was playing when I took this photo. Yep.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
House Music (#9 of __)
Little bit of disco night at the real Fortress of Shroatitude, but I'm not like changing my clothes for it or nothing.
House Music (#8 of __)
I also recommend Jen Kirkman telling the story of Abraham Lincoln (Will Ferrell) and Fredrick Douglass (Don Cheadle).
Thursday, December 15, 2011
House Music (#7 of __)

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. - It's A Corporate World
Foster the People - Torches
Three of the year's best albums.
UPDATE
Paste named Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. as the Worst New Band Name of 2011. I hate all three of these bands' names. I would be embarrassed to say them to my mother.
UPDATE
Paste named Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. as the Worst New Band Name of 2011. I hate all three of these bands' names. I would be embarrassed to say them to my mother.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
House Music (#6 of __)
I signed up for Hulu solely to watch new episodes of Community. To love this show is to know my sense-of-humor-secret-handshake. One of them, anyway.
Monday, December 05, 2011
Lassitude Tableau (#3 of __) - Digital Edition
Sunday, December 04, 2011
House Music (#5 of __)

This became amazing on the third time through. Wish they'd played "Little Black Submarines" on SNL. I'm about to dig into The Black Keys' back catalog. (archaic prison phrase)
---
Odenkirk anger is always funny to me.
House Music (#4 of __)
Thursday, December 01, 2011
Best of Twitter - November 2011
- Does anyone already get Mexican Popsicle Aficionado magazine? Feel like I won't get value from a full year subscription.
- Coffee-shop-based work allows me to have colleagues like the woman who just entered with part of a headboard & a container of grits. #MBA
- Friends didn't set their kitchen clock back, then used it to run a bedtime scam on their 3 kids. Passing that info along to Kidz Wikileaks.
- Maker of Awesome Mix Tapes for Gasoline Marauding in the Wasteland #PostApocalypticJobsICanDo
- Bishop in the Fundamentalist Church of Steve Martin #PostApocalypticJobsICanDo
- Post Apocalyptic Jobs I Can Do - http://t.co/8C6GdcZ5 - #PostApocalypticJobsICanDo
- Pity the hipster who has to enunciate: "I'm in a The National cover band."
- If I get hit by a bus tomorrow, the leading contender for my gravestone epitaph: "He never responded to a crisis by growing a ponytail."
- The "Linoleum-tooth Lonnie Takes a Wife" #ClassicGrift
- Quinoa and lentils for dinner, alone, at home. This must be what it feels like to own a Prius.
- Teaching 8 year old how to play 20 questions. Her 1st question: "Is it lovely?"
- “Would a peanut dilettante put already roasted peanuts in the oven for additional roasting?” - not as debonair when I said it out loud
- No one at this Walmart seems to want to talk about Benjamin Banneker, Harriet Tubman or Langston Hughes. #BlackHistoryFriday
- Once asked by a 4 y.o. which I liked better, orange juice or Batman. Started to give lecture on false dichotomies, then settled on Batman.
- I remember when we didn't have to dig up a bunch of mistresses to stop ourselves from nominating a black guy. - some old Republican
- I'm still convinced that 85% of the bicycling in this town is affectation-based. #FestoonedWithFauxSponsors
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
House Music (#3 of __)

---
Later tonight will mark my fourth or fifth attempt to get to the end of The Last Emperor. I saw it in college, but have had it mixed up in my head with Seven Years in Tibet and Kundun, what with all the bald Asian boys in funny hats and weird horn music. I think I've made it to the final half hour. Period pieces make a fine soporific, notwithstanding sudden train whistles.

Monday, November 28, 2011
R.E.I.'s Outdoorsy Jewel Thief

I'm sure the neighborhood is thrilled to have a six foot four guy dressed like this regularly walking around after dark. Black gloves too. But, hey, it's enough for me to know that I'm a good person.
This is as straight as I can currently hold my head up, without excruciating pain. Another case of Thanksgiving-neck you're probably thinking. No. Pretty sure it was a shoulder exercise that I did incorrectly, despite Tony Horton's repeated demonstrations of correct P90X technique. Exacerbated by "sleeping wrong". Didn't Louis C.K. do a bit about that? #IntelligentDesign
I probably weighed 10 pounds lighter this time last year. I was 10 pounds heavier two years ago though. So there's that. #HeyLadies?
Handsomeness is a funny notion. Being handsome.
UPDATE
Speaking of jewel thieves...
Sunday, November 27, 2011
House Music (#2 of __)

6 Albums (randomized)
96 songs
6.9 hours
Dialed it up using the Remote App on the iPhone. Easy to name check a song from wherever I am in the house.
Good music to have on for a full afternoon and evening. Read. Lied on the couch and played an iPhone game with muted football on the TV. Slipped into a Benadryl/smoke haze. Ate some oatmeal. Sundays, right?
I was late to the party on this band.
Because of this, I finally checked them out:
("It's just a twisted mass of black-frame glasses and ironic Girl Scouts T-shirts in there.")
And they played a recent episode of Comedy Bang Bang.
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