It wasn't until I got home that I realized "Basic" meant cheap, rather than unscented. So, not only did I go through the checkout at H.E.B. on Friday at 7PM, red-eyed, 5 o'clock shadow, no ring, automatic assumptions of divorce (too tall and handsome to have never married, "must not be his weekend to see the kids"), to purchase ice cream and toilet paper with an in-store coupon...already a sad, reassess-your-life-tableau...but also, the toilet paper, which I purchased right there in front of all those people, was discount toilet paper. And not a Hill-Country-Fare, I-just-need-toilet-paper-for-my-boat discount toilet paper. No, this was a Mercedes-C-class, can-no-longer-afford-nice-things, still-clinging-to-a-sad-pretense-based-on-brand-identity, nobody-is-fooled discount toilet paper.
Charmin Basic
Tagline: "Holds Up" (The minimum boast a toilet paper can make.)
I guess we'll just have to wait an see.
It also occurred to me on the short drive home that my car, which was named by a friend "The Iso-Griffith" (Me: "Sure. Drives like a glove."), which used to be named "Sedan" for its nondescript make, model and year, which is neither blue nor green nor gray on the outside, which is beige-ish but not beige on the inside, which has a dent on the passenger side, which has an out-of-state license plate because it's (slightly) cheaper register it in Kentucky through my dad's business, that car...well that's the car of a drifter-murderer. We're already in Texas, after all. And now with Daylight Savings Time, I get to make women in parking lots feel uncomfortable an hour earlier in the evenings.
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I don't know. Maybe I'm over-thinking the whole basic consumables purchase process.
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